Kyana Entry 2
Despite the momentous events unfolding around me… I find myself unable to concentrate. My mind wanders at the worst times and these great happenings that are as the first pebble that precedes the avalanche of change pass without proper attention. We have taken back the first city and have taken the first and most important step towards reclaiming this world and calling back the Sun. And yet… my traitor mind will not heed my will. When I was told of the full civil war that has befallen the Cushani it nearly broke my heart.
My people have fallen into complete disarray in but a few weeks and this will leave a large opening for the Empire or other agents of the Moon to destroy them. How can I be standing here with these humans when my people are dying; not only by their own hands but by the disease of the soul which is undoing our sacred bond with the dragons. My people desperately need me and I stand here fighting for the human lands.
Yet, I try to remind myself that this is where I need to be to reclaim the Sun for all. The Sun rises for all and it is with these people I will most likely be able to find the blessed Sun again. I feel so torn and it sinks my heart and rends it with daggers of regret and frustration. I cannot think of a way to help my people, I cannot think of a way to save them from themselves. I love them so much and despite the ills I have seen, they are a part of everything I am… I wanted the Sun to rise for them not only in the sky but in their hearts.
There are no Cushani to speak to and I feel that the humans around me, though well meaning and kind, cannot understand this pain. They see the Cushani as heartless beasts with poor morals and even poorer compassion. It hurts my heart that they can so easily brush aside their plight and even seem slightly pleased that tragedy has finally befallen the Cushani. So… I must hide my tears in the solace of midnight. I must clench my teeth against the fear that all that I treasure will be lost and there will be none to mourn.
Kaeles, Yrais… Father… I so desperately want to talk to you, see your faces, hold you and know you are well. We go now to the Helvadans home to assist their troubled lands and I can feel some sympathy since they know similar woes. No matter which way I travel I feel that I am betraying something important. My people or my quest. I wish to see the Sun and know his warmth yet how can I let a whole race of people die due to negligence.
Blessed Sun whose face I so long to see. Please guide your servant. This indecision aids me not. Please shine your love upon the forgotten Cushani. Do not forsake us as Loth did and show us the way. Please…don’t take them away…
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